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"I got upset, and he tried to talk to me about it, but I wouldn't talk about it," she says.
"I couldn't say what I wanted to, and he got frustrated." The impact of childhood sexual abuse on adult intimacy varies from person to person, but experts say Haney's relationship troubles are not uncommon.
Not everyone who was abused as a child reacts as Haney does, preferring casual sex.
But she's far from alone, according to a survey of 1,032 college students published in the November 1999 issue of the Journal of Sex Research.
And the numbers behind this dilemma are substantial.
According to University of New Hampshire sociologist David Finkelhor, Ph D, an estimated 20% of women and up to 5% of men in the United States were abused sexually as children.
When those abused as children try to form adult romantic relationships, they can be affected by anxiety, depression, and poor self-esteem.
Tobias recommends checking with local associations of licensed psychologists and psychiatrists for referrals.Or, some survivors may use sex as a means of getting validation from men.Some who have been sexually abused have problems staying faithful, says Linda Blick, MSW, LCSW-C, a New York City retired social worker who has counseled many sexual abuse survivors.Recently, Haney flew into a jealous rage when her boyfriend took a phone call from a woman friend in her presence.
Although outwardly viewing the relationship as a fling, her reaction to the phone call suggested otherwise.
Marcus said the memories made it difficult for the patient to continue having sex with her husband, and although she underwent therapy, the marriage ultimately ended in divorce.